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General Wilson

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General Wilson

Seems a war has been going on right under my nose. Nightly, as I snore away, my girlfriend and my cat have been battling it out.

This is her latest report from the front-lines…

“General Wilson and I have been at war for quite some time, three years now I think. Its been a gruesome battle with not nearly enough casualties. In the past he would change his tactics often, but now he is getting old and is running out of ideas. I must use this to my advantage. He is not to be underestimated- he is still very cunning and can adapt quickly to changes in my tactics.

In the beginning, his attempts were fairly simple. Mostly claws and teeth. He was forced to re-asses once we began to cut off his claw supply and when he saw that I am not easily overpowered. I am stronger than I look. We have had many such battles since then.

For about a year now, his main assault is composed of three key elements. At 4 AM he launches the first strike, he meows loudly and in a low tone so as to wake me, and disorient me. Then he leaves me alone for approximately two hours hour so that I feel comfortable again, safe- almost. At anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 he then sends in the ground troops for face to face combat. Literally he pushes his face into mine, just before my alarm goes off. He continues his assault, attacking any body part exposed, head, elbow, hand, foot, knee etc. Finally, just after the alarm sounds and I’ve hit the snooze, he beings to howl again.

I have tried many things to beat him. I’ve tried to induce him to sleep, but this only works on occasion. I keep a drawer full of artillery next to the bed to launch at him during his “shock and awe” attacks, but he has now taken up post just out of firing range. I have tried putting up a barrier, but this only intensifies the meowing tactics.

The battle continues…. only one can be victorious.”

I wish her best of luck; with her courage, valor and determination to overcome such great orange/white/purring obstacles.